((When I was 19, a friend of mine asked me on a date))
who had no reason to seek out a young woman like me. He was one of the greats – the kind of man who makes you see the worship and kindness of God. In my eyes I was distorted. I looked in the reflection and saw harmful products in every definition of the word. But he still looked out for me – he was one of the greats. He was honest>He wrote me a letter early on, saying, “Lindsay, I'll tell you everything you need to know. Whatever you have to do, I will do it for you. I want you to know everything you need to about my life because I care about you the most. I was not used to reliability. I was used to working around lies to find a part of the truth.
((He was kind))
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He asked me questions and listened to me. He took notes and remembered things in my life that I considered important. I was not accustomed to thoughtfulness. I was 'kind when he felt like it.' He was available> He made it clear that I was the girl with whom he was infatuated. He constantly told me how he felt. He took the time to find nice ways to ask me out on a (real) date and was constantly curious and willing to talk to me. I was not used to being accessible. I was used to constantly accepting praise from people who played games. When I called and they didn't answer I got a chill in my stomach - I wondered what they were doing and who they were with. This legitimate, kind and approachable man was the person God had for me the whole time. And yet, I forced myself to fit into other individuals like broken confused pieces because I needed to be seen and loved.
((If I had kept accepting that everything God had for me was broken))
I would never have found a great man. And despite the fact that he had flaws and sometimes faltered in these areas, he continued to strive toward honesty and goodness under God's control. Dear Partner, Do you know that person you go to again and again, who you just don't want to leave, no matter how seriously he keeps hurting/ignoring/damaging you? Most of us have lived with one. Now it's time to let him go. I was told a long time ago that the more time I wasted on a man who didn't care about me, the more time I spent losing the man who didn't care about me.
((He was absolutely right. And I really wish I had gotten involved sooner))
I will never ignore my 17th birthday party. I was at dinner with some of my friends, giggling and celebrating, when I found out that my boyfriend had recently slept with one of my close friends the night before. This 'friend' arrived at dinner a few minutes later, without any clue that I knew what she had done. This same boyfriend cheated six times over a two year period and yet I got back with him every time. He didn't care about me. It seemed as if he was almost worried about himself. But I was exceptionally troubled by being alone. Later, I met a man who claimed he loved me so much that he could marry me. He was one of those guys who was 'kind when needed', but he was also very good at holding my arm until it hurt or when I did something he didn't like. He would give a slight push. Never wavered. When things reached climax I forgave and forgave and turned a blind eye. Because he'll grow from it, right? Merciful, friends, I live and breathe these words, 'He will change.' They gave me the ability to legitimize everything that wasn't quite right. They put pressure on me and forbade me from ignoring God's will. I chose to stay with people who treated me like dust, rather than turn to God and seek someone who would cherish me the same way Jesus cherished the church. I didn't know my worth or my status. The way I was treated made a difference in shaping my character. I was so desperate to feel and be loved that I surrendered to these relationships to satisfy my dependency. I was watching a story recently (see below) where college students talked about their experiences with dating. He said that dating is basically an old thing. Stalking each other over dinner and talking face to face has given way to swiping out or right and connecting when the sun goes down. Click here to know more about me>>magical moments.